You’re Not Afraid to Die, You’re Afraid to Live – Testimony #28


A WEE PEEK – “…the pain levels began to rise once more, to the point where I was punching the metal bar on the bed. I knew that if I hurt my hand enough, my brain would concentrate on the new pain and give me some relief…”

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You're Afraid to Live

LATEST NEWS – This is another personal testimony sharing the very real effects of God working in a person’s life and within their household, bringing the family to another level.

You’re Afraid to Live

PERSONAL TESTIMONY SERIES

On a day between surgery one and surgery two, I experienced a massive pain crisis and in true male bravado fashion, I shunned off any help, thinking it would pass. But it didn’t and 18 hours after I’d first felt this huge pain, I had to be rushed to the emergency room. On the way, the paramedic gave me his little gas and air bottle, which began to take the edge off, but when they left me in the ER, they took my little lifeline away. The doctor told me not to worry and hooked me up to the hospital gas and air supply, so I started breathing it in.

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It was having very little effect and the pain levels began to rise once more, to the point where I was punching the metal bar on the bed. I knew that if I hurt my hand enough, my brain would concentrate on the new pain and give me some relief. So, the doctor decided to administer a big shot of morphine and believe it or, it had no effect. I was becoming an expert on my illness now, so I told the doctor what pain relief worked and he gave me a shot of that as well. Still nothing and by this point, the pain had been present for over 20 hours.

Thankfully, my father came on the scene and within a few minutes, he’d figured out that the gas and air bottle in the ER was empty. There was a big rush to find another one, but all of the ER bottles were empty. The pain was now becoming really serious, with me drifting in and out of consciousness. And then, a completely peaceful thought came to mind, I was ready to die. I’d never been in that position as a Christian before where the thought came to mind, that I could die here, but that was where my mind was at the time and I was ready. However, I opened my eyes to see Sharon looking at me, so I told myself to snap out of it.

Eventually, one of the orderlies turned up with a new bottle and believe it or not, it was the wrong one. 45 minutes later, I received the right one and it had a slight effect. As soon as the doctors left the room though, my father cranked up the regulator on top of the bottle giving me full-force gas and air. It was instant relief and slowly I began to calm down. Because of the severity of the pain crisis, the doctors made the decision for a 24-hour hospital stay. Now, settled upstairs in the ward, the morphine and pain meds suddenly kicked in, putting me into a state, similar to that of a heroin high.

A few days later, I was out for a walk and I was really quite pleased with myself. It had been a real revelation that I actually wasn’t afraid of death in the slightest and I said to myself, “you’re not afraid to die.” In that same moment, an immediate sentence came to mind and it said, “you’re not afraid to die, you’re afraid to live.” At that point of my Christian walk, I’d only felt this level of an impression from God on very few occasions, but this time, it took my breath away. It made absolute sense though, I was a hugely over the top Christian in everything I did, every day with a full-on 100% commitment and fire for God. But that’s all I was.

Those moments really confirm many truths and these types of situations tend to be the ones God uses to speak to a person very deeply. My own personal lesson in this was that my mind was continually focused on God and that I focused on him far more than my family or doing much else outside of the sphere of Christianity. It was then I made the decision to begin water sports, partly as a fitness and interest thing with my family, and the other, to have a goal to set my eyes on to fully recover from that season.  That experience changed another part of my life once again with my family time and leisure outlook. God had actually got my backside off the sofa and from then on, I began to really enjoy life.

BLOB BLURB – This was another testimony of God transforming our family by his loving, merciful and genius ways!

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About Steven Birnie

Steven Birnie is a former local Church Minister and the author of Christian publications which include non-fiction, fictional and teaching eBooks with audio sermons. From the north-east coast of Scotland, Pastor Steven is married to Sharon and together, they have two young children called Emily and David. After seven years of training, three years of overseeing youth and young adults and, three years of being the Assistant Pastor in his local Church, Pastor Steven moved on to focus on writing Christian Publications. In the future, he hopes to write The Tribulation Soldier, his newest Series of Fictional, Military EBooks on the End Times, the Rapture and the Tribulation Period, as a 2.5 Million Word Series. But despite continuing pastoral work and writing, Steven remains devoted to his children, enjoying his family life with caravan holidays in the Highlands, fishing, canoeing and his favourite pastime, riding his motorbike through the Scottish countryside.