The Turning Point, it’s Suicide Time
The final push, which eventually ended my backsliding and returning to God began with one of the strangest experiences of my life. At that point, I’d lost Sharon, I was in danger of losing my car, my job and my house. I wasn’t in a good way and thankfully, my mate from work could see what I was going through. So, he told me to head off home and take a couple of days. Afterward, I drove out of the garage, up onto the main A9 dual carriageway, stopped at the side of the road and switched off the car.
My head was a mess and I began to look over my life trying to figure out where it all went wrong. I was losing everything, and 6 months before, I pretty much had everything. I had a beautiful partner, a great job with prospects, I owned my own home, we had two cars, motorbikes and holidays abroad. Then the scary thought entered. I realized, that it didn’t matter, even if I had all of those things back, I knew in my heart I wouldn’t be happy. I looked across to the oncoming traffic in the other lane and thought, if I was to drive at 60 or 70 miles an hour and hit a lorry head on, it was bound to be instant with no pain.
The thought of suicide came with peace and no fear in going forward, which looking back was scary in itself. But just then, I felt a true peace and a sense of no fear, and it was God reminding me, what it was like when I walked with him all those years ago. It was like a warm feeling of home. In the end, I ran back to Jesus and I found him to be that same loving savior, welcoming me back with open arms. I certainly didn’t deserve anything of what he gave, however, he began to restore my life in every area including Sharon, our finances, and stability. But this was only the beginning of the path.