A WEE PEEK – “…The reactions blew me away. With my mother, she told me that she was glad and that there were times when she left, that she’d cried because of the things I’d said. With Sharon, well, she told me that I scared her, calling me a very intimidating person. I was quite disgusted at myself and apologised to Sharon again…”
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Reason One: Fierceness and Anger
PERSONAL TESTIMONY SERIES
“…The fire that threatened to consume, only shrivels our bonds, so that we can walk freely over the glowing embers. We are permitted to stand on the mount, while God passes by, and gives us the reasons behind his providences. That illness was allowed, to rid the system of the poison which would have proved fatal…” – Book: Christ in Isaiah.
Not having conclusions or closure on various situations in life can be a tremendous weight to bear, especially when it’s been 4 years of serious illness. Yet God, in His Word, assures us that he will give to any who ask the reasons behind such a difficult season. And for me, I desperately wanted to know why these years had been so extreme in its challenges. Spread out through the season between surgeries, I’d received three great revelations, that not only explained why I’d been through this but an actual deliverance that would change my life.
The first of the three, fierceness and anger, was triggered by a very difficult two weeks of being ill. It was after the first operation and I still had some stomach pain due to the colitis. The discomfort had continued but little did I know, that it was going to get a lot worse. Along with this stomach pain, I was struggling with a sore throat and migraines and in this particular two weeks, all three came at once. It was the most discomfort I’d ever experienced up until that point, and I couldn’t talk nor get up out of my bed. I turned angrily to God to ask him why he was allowing this. I got my answer.
Some weeks earlier, we’d been watching a reality show where they put various individuals in a house for a period of time. And there was one girl who was fierce, angry and a real jerk. I sat there thinking, how dare she bully others. I hadn’t realised it at first, but this girl’s character traits were like my own. As I lay there in bed, I looked at the ways I’d spoken to others and I could see that same anger and fierceness in myself. When I did, the pain began to ease and my stomach settled down. I was relieved at first, but then a family member arrived and now that I was back to talking, I got quite angry with the people around me.
A couple of hours later, the stomach pain returned along with my tonsils inflaming and the migraine reappearing. After this 2nd bout, I could see so clearly that I had this was a major issue and as soon as I was able, I went around apologising for my behaviour and asking forgiveness. The reactions blew me away. With my mother, she told me that she was glad and that there were times when she left, that she’d cried because of the things I’d said. With Sharon, well, she told me that I scared her, calling me a very intimidating person. I was quite disgusted at myself and apologised to Sharon again.
I went back to the above passage again and read the sentence, “…to rid the system of a poison which could have proved fatal. “ I could now see that I could so easily have destroyed my family and alienated close friends. If God hadn’t dealt with this very serious issue in my life, I think I could have lost everything all over again. In addition, I looked at my physical self and could clearly see that it wasn’t just my mind being poisoned, but my body too, which could so easily have turned into health problems. This was another situation that showed me personally, that God could intervene and bring about a literal deliverance and this was one of the reasons I was going through this season of trials.