Broken in the Valley

In those first seven years of being back with Jesus, my overriding and continuing fear was a lack of assurance that I was saved and accepted. It was almost like an obsession at times, robbing me of joy and peace. I just couldn’t get it through my head that God loved me and that I was acceptable to him. However, as always, God had his plan. One night while I was falling asleep, I felt a tremendous sense of God’s Spirit in the room and it was wonderous! After a few minutes, I settled a little and then, I began to press my head back deep into my pillow. It felt like Jesus’ face was right in front of mine and it was amazing.

The next day I wrote down what I’d seen. The first vision was of a racehorse, the second was of a rocky beach and the third was the big one. The racehorse represented me as a passionate but unbroken person and like a horse, I needed to be broken and brought into a place of submission. The second was an uneven rocky beach, which represented any Christian life, where sometimes you’re up and see clearly and others, you’re in a valley, unable to see. And the third was big.

At the end of this encounter, I had a vision of Jesus, washing my feet. My first reaction was to say no Lord? No what are you doing? But in the vision, he just looked up at me and simply said, ‘friend.’ I was hugely taken aback and for a few days, I couldn’t quite take it in and put it in the right box. But he’d been so clear and it felt good. What didn’t feel good, were the next couple of years to come, where I’d not only experience how God breaks an unbroken horse, but experience a deep valley of depression and serious illness. But like the master he is, it certainly wasn’t all bad and he came through for me many times.